I was born on the cusp of the 1960s. The youngest in the family with four older brothers, I grew up on the East Coast in an upper-middle-class Catholic family that was wounded by 
alcoholism. Going through some very difficult things as a child, I began to doubt God’s existence at age 13. My “prodigal” teenage years led me to dabble in the hippie culture and in “New Age” philosophies. At 17, my father died, I dropped out of high school, got a GED, went away to college early and graduated with honors in psychology. At that time, I was agnostic and far from God. A chronically shy introvert, in my twenties I began working in retail public relations and corporate marketing, which forced me out of my shell. In my late twenties, I discovered Al-Anon, became open to the idea of a “higher power,” and began my journey toward Christ.
At age 31 – with many broken dreams, a hurting heart and on-and-off depression – a friend and colleague invited me to his small, Presbyterian church, where I began hearing about Jesus. One day during Sunday school, we discussed Genesis 1:26 – “Let Us make man in Our image…” I asked the Pastor if it said “Us and Our” in every Bible, or just his. He said it was in every Bible. Then a Messianic Jewish woman shared Isaiah 53, written about Jesus some 750 years before He walked the earth. All at once, I broke inside – seeing how sinful I was and that Jesus was there in the beginning, and that He is God. I wept quietly as the class finished up. This dramatic conversion to faith in Jesus Christ changed everything. I fell in love with my Savior, and for the next 34 years studied the Scriptures, served in various church ministries, began writing poetry, worked, and tried to live a life pleasing to the Lord.
At age 36, I moved to Oregon and met my wonderful husband, Bill, 27 days before my 40th birthday. We married in 1999 and just celebrated our 26th anniversary. We’ve attended several – mostly Baptist – congregations together, but I was increasingly frustrated by the worldliness, troublesome doctrines and divisions I saw emerging in mainstream churches. I longed to find the original, first-century church, so I ventured into the Hebrew Roots movement for a short time.
In late Fall 2019, a “cradle-Orthodox” friend (who had recently returned to her roots) shared some church history with me. I began to read “Know the Faith,” by Fr. Michael Shanbour. Then the pandemic hit, and I put it aside. In 2021, I visited St. John’s bookstore a few times. A kind woman shared some miraculous stories about her family; she bought a book about, and a small icon of St. John Maximovich and gave them to me. My friend loaned me Thirsting for God in a Land of Shallow Wells by Matthew Gallatin. It expressed so well my own disillusionment, yet offered another way.
The next year, I attended my first Divine Liturgy. Its other-worldliness and beauty stirred my heart. I read, analyzed, questioned, debated and explored. I’d draw nearer to Orthodoxy, then retreat. But a persistent, patient and gentle pull kept drawing me back. I began to just know that the Eucharist is truly the Body and Blood of Christ and that Mary truly remained a virgin after Christ’s birth.
In 2023, while at my first Holy Week Bridegroom Orthros service, I venerated and kissed my first icon – that of the Lord Jesus. It was a quiet, profound and soul-shaking encounter with Christ – He let me know that He saw all of my sinfulness yet He flooded me with His love. Once again…I wept. Pascha week was amazing. I arrived early for the late-night Pascha Divine Liturgy. As I approached the building, I experienced what Matthew Gallatin described so beautifully: “His presence is like a universe of living silence – overwhelming peace” (Phil 4:7). It launched me over the edge – no turning back!
On the Sunday of the Samaritan Woman, the Scriptures came alive as I learned that she has a name, Photini. I had a very deep experience with God, and with St. Photini, during the Liturgy and knew almost immediately that she was to be my patron saint. That day, I became a Catechumen, and on Holy Saturday, 2024 I was baptized and chrismated into the Orthodox Church. I am eternally grateful that God, in His love, answered my years of longing and has allowed me to become part of His Church.
